Butterflies and Clutter

Day 57 of 365:

{Warning – this may seem a little random…and vague…}

This morning, I attended my first Hatha Yoga class in well over 8 months; a restorative style class that centered around connecting the breath with the mind and body as we moved through the asanas (poses).

Oh. My. God.  It felt so good to slow down, clear the clutter from my brain and stretch my tired, stiff joints and muscles.  It was 90 minutes of clarity.  Pure bliss.mudrakhya-buddha-writing-the-girl

I am always amazed at how difficult it is to calm and quiet my brain.  I have been practicing yoga off and on for over 15 years, yet every time I step onto my mat, it’s a bit of a battle to stop the vibrations of my life that follow me around.  Even when I devote myself to a particular class, and go through bouts of practicing religiously for months and months, the hardest part is clearing out the junk and clutter from my head.  But that is the Yin and Yang of yoga.  That’s the challenge – to quiet the mind and bring yourself to higher state of consciousness.  To become aware of the self within yourself.  I approach each and every class I attend with an open mind.  I visualize a trap door on the base of my skull.  All I have to do is release the latch to let the contents and pollution of everything I have absorbed from the outside world, spill out onto the floor behind me.  I look for only peace and stillness to remain.  But it’s not always so easy.

Which brings me to why.  Why is this hard?  I don’t live a particularly stressful life.  I work, I look after my kids.  I share household duties with my spouse.  There isn’t any one thing that causes me a great deal of irritation.  And yet, I am oblivious as to how loud my brain is.20160226_160444-composing-writing-the-girl

This week, I have been pondering time quite a bit….paying attention to the little moments I encounter as I roll through the 16 hours or so that make up each day.  For the past few weeks (or is it months?) I have been feeling out of sorts.  Restless, bored and unable to control the butterflies in my brain.  My writing is everywhere except for where I need it to be.  Where I need it be is in my novel, which I have not touched in the past few weeks.

Yesterday’s writing prompt from The Daily Post really hit home.  Thoughts on taking a moment, an action or an event that happens and slowing it down or speeding it up.  It occurred to me that I am constantly trying to slow my life down.  I long to hold onto moments.  I fear that I will miss out on seeing some small detail that I might need.

Everything moves around me so quickly.  One day melts seamlessly into the next.  I guess I am afraid I will overlook the tiny bits and pieces that are insignificant on their own, but accumulate and become the limbs and moving parts that make up the body of my days.  I am afraid I will take these bits and pieces for granted.  I can’t even pinpoint what these small parts are – I just know that they exist.

butterflies-writing-the-girl

And then yoga happened this morning and I realized that this what I have been missing.  As I was laying on my mat, eyes closed, filling my belly and my lungs with breath and then letting it go, begging the chatter in my brain to hush, I knew this was it.  This was the slowness I have been craving.  Eventually, my brain did go quiet(ish).  My bones and joints felt a softness that I have not experienced in quite some time.  I stayed in this place for what seemed to be an eternity.  90 minutes.  It felt like forever and I was very happy with that.  And when it was over, and the class ended, I was satiated and content enough to carry on with the rest of my day.  Content.  There’s a word I have not used in a long time.

Amazing what a few moments out of reality can give you.  Peace and clarity.  And I have spent the rest of my day enjoying the little things.  Each one of them.  Acknowledging them with gratitude and then letting them go.

plus…

…this is the most I have written in a while….the most meaningful as well…..

I wish I had some sage advice to pass along as I end my ramblings here.  I do not.  I am all tapped out – my mind is quiet.  Clear.

Huh.

how about that…..  

Onward.

 

Namaste,

 

-Janice 🙂

 

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