Day 20 of 365:
You know what? I am. I am a control freak. Absolutely. I even have a wine charm that says so. 😉
I stopped trying to deny it years ago. And I’m not ashamed. I can’t help being right all the time. I can’t help it if I know what’s best, what’s right…what works.
This personality trait is never more prevalent than in those situations where a camera is turned upon me.
ugh. Don’t take my picture…..
I am a photographer. Photographers take the pictures, we aren’t in them.
I ruin every single family or group photograph I am in. True story!
No – it’s not entirely because of my awkward smile. It’s because I am the one that isn’t smiling. I always seem to be paying attention to something no one else in the photograph seems to see.
Here is a snippet of the things that I am too worried about to relax and smile as the camera click-click-clicks away:
- I am concerned with the lighting.
- The order in which the group has been arranged. The short people should be in front, dammit!
- The way the designated photographer is holding the camera. Oh come on, you’re not Irving Penn.
- The flash that is pointing directly at us. (one of my BIGGEST pet-peeves. Ever.) “Do NOT point the flash directly at us! We will all have hideous RED EYES!”
- Whether or not we are standing in front of a window, or mirror – again, because the freaking flash is pointing right at us. Hello??? Ever hear of light reflection????
I am the one that is smirking, scowling or looking downright shocked…or worried. I always look horribly uptight.
Here’s the thing, cameras don’t lie: I am uptight.
And I know how annoying I can be. I am well aware of the fact that no one understands my protests. Also, I am too polite to yell at my friends and family. So I keep all those control issues to myself.
Oh, the inner turmoil this causes!
Sometimes, to hide my discomfort with the situation, I will make silly, goofy faces at the camera.
This is a vain attempt to hide the fact that my jaw wants to clench. That my skin is crawling. That I want to
rip remove the camera from the operator’s hands and take all the pictures for them: “here, let me handle this, okay?”
Sometimes, purely because I just can no longer handle not being in control of the situation, I will simply turn and run a way from the perpetrator.
And there you have it: confessions of a chronic, hopeless control freak….
…this may be why I went into to photography in the first place.