Control Freak

Day 20 of 365:

 

You know what?  I am.  I am a control freak.  Absolutely.  I even have a wine charm that says so.  😉

I stopped trying to deny it years ago.   And I’m not ashamed.  I can’t help being right all the time.  I can’t help it if I know what’s best, what’s right…what works.

This personality trait is never more prevalent than in those situations where a camera is turned upon me.

ugh.  Don’t take my picture…..IMG_0130 - Copy

I am a photographer.  Photographers take the pictures, we aren’t in them.

~sheesh~

I ruin every single family or group photograph I am in.  True story!

No – it’s not entirely because of my awkward smile.  It’s because I am the one that isn’t smiling.  I always seem to be paying attention to something no one else in the photograph seems to see.

Here is a snippet of the things that I am too worried about to relax and smile as the camera click-click-clicks away:

  • I am concerned with the lighting.
  • The order in which the group has been arranged.  The short people should be in front, dammit!
  • The way the designated photographer is holding the camera.  Oh come on, you’re not Irving Penn.
  • The flash that is pointing directly at us.  (one of my BIGGEST pet-peeves.  Ever.)  “Do NOT point the flash directly at us!  We will all have hideous RED EYES!”
  • Whether or not we are standing in front of a window, or mirror – again, because the freaking flash is pointing right at us.  Hello??? Ever hear of light reflection????

I am the one that is smirking, scowling or looking downright shocked…or worried.  I always look horribly uptight.

Here’s the thing, cameras don’t lie: I am uptight.

And I know how annoying I can be.  I am well aware of the fact that no one understands my protests.  Also, I am too polite to yell at my friends and family.  So I keep all those control issues to myself.

Oh, the inner turmoil this causes!

Sometimes, to hide my discomfort with the situation, I will make silly, goofy faces at the camera.

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This is a vain attempt to hide the fact that my jaw wants to clench.  That my skin is crawling.  That I want to rip remove the camera from the operator’s hands and take all the pictures for them:  “here, let me handle this, okay?”

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Sometimes, purely because I just can no longer handle not being in control of the situation, I will simply turn and run a way from the perpetrator.

Problem solved….

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And there you have it: confessions of a chronic, hopeless control freak….

…this may be why I went into to photography in the first place.  

Ya think???!!! 

 

Can’t Stand Me

 

-Janice 🙂

 

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